I can’t stop saying, “That way!” At first, it was cute. Now, it’s just embarrassing. Lol. I know one Migos song. Literally the one I’m talking about- ‘Bad and Boujee’. I had to Urban Dictionary what this phrase even meant (see Dat Way). *Necks self* It means to agree or approve of something or to express interest in something. I started to think more critically about this phrase and the “that way” feeling I had this evening.
I’ve been sitting on the couch for the last 5 hours. And I haven’t felt an ounce of guilt. I can’t remember the last time I just sat and did nothing and didn’t feel pangs of nervousness. Orders you should be fulfilling. Lessons you could be planning. There are dishes in the sink…still. The bathroom needs to be cleaned…still. Stay up late. Wake up early. While I am appreciative of every opportunity I’ve been given, sometimes I find myself in this space of just overwhelming frustration. A feeling of being cheated. Like I’m missing out on something. A sense that choosing robs me of being able to enjoy all that life has to offer. Like I’m constantly having to choose this and not that. And that that perhaps life would be better if I could go in all directions and do everything with perfection. But perhaps it’s my perspective that is flawed.
You see, I often find myself resenting these dichotomies. However, they’ve allowed me to find balance. Checking everything off the list is not necessarily indicative of success. Success is personal and can’t be defined for you by anyone who isn’t you. And sometimes that success is contingent on making a choice in order to move forward. Making a choice despite a lack of information and being uncomfortable. This way or that way? Make a choice.
85 collapsed this week. Literally collapsed. What the what?! Atlanta without 85?! Huh? What I found to be so amazing was watching the cars turn around on 85 to go the opposite direction because they could no longer move forward. In an instant, the ‘right way’ was completely different than it had been. Things are only as is because they’ve been deemed that way. And when they no longer function, it has to change, even if it’s fleeting or momentary.
Maybe “that way” can literally be defined as going in a specific direction and being okay with your decision(s). And not only being okay with it, but being confident in it.
When the road begins to fork, make a choice. I’ve decided I’m choosing scary and wild and exciting versus safe and predictable and risk-free.
Cheers to being 30 and STILL freaking loving it!