Dr. Cristina Yang, my favorite Grey’s Anatomy character, once said to Meredith, “Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.”
I first heard that line years ago at the height of my Grey’s Anatomy addiction. Note to self: pick up watching Grey’s again. 🙂
I’ve heard so many versions of the same sentiment this week: love invests.
People invest in what they love. God so loved the world, He gave…
I can’t help but think of it in terms of relationship. Whatever a man loves, he will invest in. If he loves traveling, he will find a way to see the world. If he loves his work, he will pour hours of his life into his craft. If he loves to build, his hands will find a way to create. If he loves exercise, he will challenge the muscles in his body. If he loves alcohol, buying booze will be a priority. If he loves his home, he will make sure it is taken care of. And so I am led to believe that if he loves his woman, he will move heaven and hell and walk to the ends of the earth for her.
The inverse must be true as well. Perhaps, not always at the other end of the continuum with hate necessarily, but also indifference. One can assume that whatever man does not invest in, he is not tied to.
Taking it a step further, if man loves himself, then he will invest in himself.
And then it occurred to me…he doesn’t love her. I’m speaking generally. A man cannot possibly love a woman, even if he thinks that he does, if he does not invest in her. He cannot part time invest in her and call himself committed. He cannot take up his past and call himself running into the future. His attention will be divided and his hands full. He cannot bear the cross of his addiction and fully love elsewhere. He cannot have made a bad investment and not cleaned have that up before making the next investment. He cannot still bear the anguish of past hurts and not bring that into his present.
It’s been blaring in the megaphone of my mind…He cannot invest in her if he does not invest in himself.
He cannot love her because he does not love himself.
You cannot give what you do not have to give. I can want to give you a huge sum of money and have all the best intentions, but ultimately, I cannot give you what I do not have to give. Love is worth a lot. It is valuable and authentic and the truest part of who I am. It is gold. It is the currency in which I give to express my affection for you. Love gives because it is not selfish. But it costs something to give.
Why give someone gold that will only fall through the holes in their bag?
If they are not whole, you could fill their bucket up continuously and still, it would leak.
The woman who does not heed this inevitably builds her house on sinking sand. It may be okay in the meantime, but eventually, it will not stand. It will not be able to withhold all the weight of that which needs a sturdy foundation to stand. This thinking has led me to where I’m at. Focusing on myself. Being the best version of myself. Being in the company of those who are like-minded and who invest in that which makes them better and makes those around them better. I’ve decided to draw a line in the sand. I am saying no to investing in things and people who are taking my investment and tossing it to the side.
Sometimes love means losing, but choose your investments carefully. It is easy to stay in the certainty of bondage than to press ahead to the uncertainty of the freedom that lies ahead.
So sit pretty…chin up, head high, beauty to keep the heads turning, and brains to make their jaws drop…invest wisely, girl!